im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
