TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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