We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
