If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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