he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
