Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
