so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
