You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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