HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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