I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
