you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
