Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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