apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
