Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
