Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
