If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he just fucked me for my cheese..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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