franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
