he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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