Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
