Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
