We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
