Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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