I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
