Just mADE A PArabola og urine
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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