he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
