Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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