How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
