a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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