You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
