I'm eating all of the evidence.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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