How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
