She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
