Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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