True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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