If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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