i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
