He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
