Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
