mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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