maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
