I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
