She's like a pop up book from hell.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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