You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
