We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
