I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
