Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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