i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
