I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
