maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
