i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
