My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
