I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
