Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
